As a career-driven working mom, I can’t say that I didn’t welcome the flexibility of working from home during the COVID-19 Pandemic, and was given the privilege to continue remote working permanently.
I am grateful for the flexibility and understanding at my place of employment to prioritize my family and allow me to have that work-life balance.
At the height of the COVID-19 Pandemic, I found myself like many others trying to work at home while assisting my kids with remote learning. I have never been more appreciative of teachers and their patience in educating our children.
At times, I felt mom guilty that I was not as attentive as I could have been to my kids as they struggled with the frustrations of having to learn via a computer screen with new technologies that they are not familiar with. They were learning to adjust. I was adjusting as well and I did my very best to be there to comfort them, guide them, and shield them from the uncertainty and fear that surrounded us about this pandemic.
We all made it through and survived.
Then in early 2021, I had my third child, a baby girl (my pandemic “surprise”). She is a real blessing for a 39-year-old woman, who was told at my gynecologist appointment that my geriatric pregnancy was high-risk due to being of advanced maternal age. Even though the trend over the last few decades is more women getting pregnant in their mid to late 30s. And having healthy babies without any complications. In our society nowadays, as women start focusing more on building their careers and pursuing their aspirations, they are making the conscious decision to delay having children or even to get married. Finding that right person to start a family might also be difficult when your attention is on working at that high-paying corporate job or traveling the world.
Perhaps the demands of one’s careers is hindering one’s ability to find the time to date or connect with a person long enough to commit to the lifelong journey of having a child together. Or perhaps one enjoys the freedom and the lifestyle of not having children. The ability to, on a whim, hop on a plane to Mexico for the weekend or go out to dinner without much thought or planning. Things that parents don’t have the luxury to do without careful planning and thought in how to entertain the children to make the trip or outing fun for them, and least stressful on the parents.
I envy my sister who is enjoying her best life as a single, 30-something living in the city. I often wonder if her life is much like the characters portrayed in Sex and the City where everyone is dressed fabulously, having cocktails and dinner at the most posh restaurant. Whilst I am in my sweatpants making chicken nuggets and mac and cheese at home, chugging a beer as I watch my kids spill their juice all over my kitchen floor. After a long day of work on a computer screen, making dinner to feed the hungry crowd, the list of household chores keeps growing and I am tired. The one good thing about remote working is that in between meetings, I can at least catch up with some of these household chores like getting a load of laundry in the washer.
After 8 weeks of maternity leave from my job after having my third child, I had to make a decision on whether I would take her to daycare full-time or manage to care for her and work full-time at the same time. I struggled with this decision because a part of me felt guilty for not being able to care for her during the day while I worked.
Ultimately, I made the decision to get daycare full-time. It wasn’t so difficult to care for her when she was a newborn baby, but as soon as she started being mobile, it was impossible to be fully attentive in a meeting and monitor her as she explored her surroundings. I also felt I was neglecting her during my hour long Zoom meetings. I convinced myself that daycare would provide the the baby with early education opportunities and socialization skills. And I could focus on my job and provide for the family. There are still days where I struggle with the thought of taking her to daycare especially when she cries in the mornings during drop off. Nevertheless, I had two older kids who went to daycare and are now school-aged. They excel in school and socialize well with their peers.
Before remote work, the decision to have your kids attend a daycare during the workday was easier. That was the norm and everyone with kids who worked had their kids at daycare or some kind of school or after school care. With remote work, somehow the decision became more difficult. It is almost like being at home brought on sense of mom guilt. Not sure why because the amount of work from the job is the same, so I don’t know how I thought I was going to dedicate 100% to the job and find another 100% in me to properly care for the baby at home. I guess you can say that being a mother is complicated. We love our children and they come first. We need to give ourselves the grace to know that we can’t do two jobs effectively and it is okay to take our kids to daycare.
Book Recommendations:
Breathe, Mama, Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Moms by Shonda Moralis
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts: A Healing Guide to the Secret Fears of New Mothers by Karen Kleiman
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